Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/22 under Uncategorized I guess that what they say is true. That’s a heartless person and that all I care about is myself and that my heart is black. How funny it is to think that those people are my own family. The moment I realized that I was alone was when my mom told me to lie to my therapist and say that I was fine so that she wouldn’t go to jail. I lied.
I’m thirteen years old and I’m a girl. I have depression and anxiety. I’m homeschooled because my mom couldn’t take the stress anymore. I cried every day and had panic attacks. She doesn’t like problems.
I don’t blame her though, she had a horrible childhood. I was suicidal for some time and my therapist told her that she could go to jail. My step sisters were all so sad, they told me to get better. I knew that they were just telling me that so my mom doesn’t go to jail. My mom is fifty years old and she has diabetes along with a heart condition. She can’t have stress. She has high blood pressure, ect.
Her doctor told her that her stress level was high or something like that. It’s hard. It’s about four months since my family found out of my problems. My mom said that she couldn’t take care of me daily so when the therapist told her to put away the knifes and anything that I could cut myself with or swallow, she didn’t do it. I almost swallowed five pills but stopped myself because I was scared. My mom made a joke about that once, and my depression started slowing swallowing me in again. My dad left when I was four, he was abusive to my mom. He took my puppy with him, ha. I saw him for a few weeks after they separated but one day, he stopped calling and seeing us. My brother and I. My brother lost all of his hair when he was three because of that. It was too much stress for him. He’s better now. I, now, am starting to cry daily but today I heard my mom talking on the phone with one my sisters. She was telling her of a party she is going to this Saturday and that didn’t want me to go because I would just bother her of wanting to go home and she wouldn’t enjoy her night and that I had no heart, well I di but a black one. Two months ago, my mom confessed to me that she wasn’t happy. That we didn’t make her happy. I was kind of shocked, I mean she had a thirteen year old daughter who was depressed and wanted to kill herself but she was never happy. She says that if she could take everything back, having us, she would. I feel guilty and angry and just afraid. I dream of going away. Of never seeing them again. I feel so alone. I just want to go somewhere far away, somewhere happy and live a normal life.
7 thoughts on “I’m alone”
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i’m so sorry this is happening to you. no one should feel this much pain. especially at your age. you haven’t even started to live yet. Please don’t give up.
maybe something you could try to release all that emotional baggage;
write down everything your feeling. what your sad,mad,disappointed,… about. don’t worry, no one will see it (unless you want them too)
if you can keep yourself safe around fire burn it. as it creates smoke, picture your problems dispersing from the paper turning into smoke and disappearing completely.
if not, don’t do that.
if not, rip the paper as pissed off *eg.* , as much as you want. release those emotions and i want you to destroy it, flush it, step on it, shred it. whatever makes you feel better.
and know this,
sometimes you have to put yourself first. i know that this is very hard. but for your own good, your own health. please be honest with your therapist.
sometimes you got to think of yourself.
you matter.
Stay strong,
Eyes Of Chaos
Eyes of Chaos, first of all have a cool username. Second of all, thanks for replying and the advice. But I need to take care of my mom even if my own health is in danger. She doesn’t deserve all of this but thank you. You give me hope that there are still good people out there and I’m hopeful on one day being completely happy with myself and everything around. It’s a dream of mine that I know I’ll be able to reach. Thanks again 🙂
hey come on
sorry for what I did but don’t ignore me
What did you do?
The beginning may start out dark but you can make a bright ending.
Hey, i know it is a lot to take in but remember that you have your friends,brother,sisters and if i understood what you wrote you need to be loved and encouraged. Make a new start. I know that your mother has a lot of things to deal with but you are her child and by hearing her telling all those things you got discouraged. But remember there will always be someone waiting for you. Go out, smile, make new friends and of course dream.